A Little Lesson

Okay so I'm speaking tonight to a bunch of youth on appropriate communication. It has had me thinking all week about the way that I communicate and what I've seen in others.

I know that some people have a hard time communicating exactly what they think or feel. Some people have a hard time understanding why their comments have offended others. I have no problem with either of these. Not to say that I don't offend, but I can usually tell you exactly why. And unless I think it's best that I not state exactly what I think or how I feel, you'll know.

There are times I just don't want someone or everyone else to know just how I feel. It's hard for me to keep it in so instead I have a tendency to avoid them until I think I can keep my head clear. But instead of saying or doing something I might regret later, I stick to the silence. I am especially good at doing this when I think someone is mad at me or doesn't like me. I know it can be misunderstood at times, but these are my coping mechanisms, flawed as they might be.

Sometimes the silence says more than the words. All you have to do to translate is replay the last conversation in your mind and watch the body language. Sometimes it translates to,"yep, I'm still ____" (mad, sad, hurt) Other times its just a big awkward "OOPS!" . The best kind of silence is one that says,"everything is perfect just how it is" and you can sit in it and enjoy.

But what I want to talk to the youth tonight about is something I just don't understand . Why do some people say the things they do. Regardless of who I am talking to I always take the stance that it is better to be effective than it is to be right. Who cares if I'm right and you're wrong if it doesn't get us anywhere? So instead I consider what am I trying to accomplish here?

Are you really going to be happy with me when you ask me to answer honestly if those jeans make you look fat? Not if I say "yep, gigantic!" Better to lie and say "no way you look fabulous?" But when I think about what I am trying to accomplish there are better ways to answer. I want my friend to look and feel great about herself . A better answer might be "that isn't my favorite cut, have you tried the ...." or "have you thought about trying a different color?" There is always a better answer.

I don't like the "just kidding" tagged onto the end of mean statements. I really don't like the the excuse," What? I was just being honest" . The one I think I hate the most though is ,"not to be rude but,..." followed by a rude statement, as though the precurser made it okay to say all of a sudden.

There is a way to be effective and right at the same time. Just swallow a little pride and be creative. C'mon just try it! I dare ya!