Sometimes we do things for so long that it just becomes part of who we are. I have spent the last 5 years working with the youth of our Stake. I have been working with some of the most talented men and women I know. They have so much love for the gospel of Jesus Christ, and for the young men and women we have been assigned to mentor. For the first year or so, I was just so in awe of those I was working with I couldn't believe I had been given the opportunity to work along side them. I thought if I flew under the radar they wouldn't realize that little Jeni had somehow weaseled her way into their presence. I cannot begin to tell you how much I have learned and grown through this assignment. Those whom I have worked so closely with are now just like family.
I have been able to assist in planning and preparing our Stake EFY,
service projects, many quad stake dances,
beehive conferences,
leadership training meetings, various retreats and activities for just the senior class,
the stake musical held every fall, and my very favorite of all the activities, girls camp.
My life's schedule has revolved around the timing of each of these annual events, and I have loved every minute of it. Truly. It is one of the busiest assignments I can think of but never has it felt like work. The youth of our Stake are amazing, talented, valiant, and full of integrity. I have grown so close to many of them, and have felt something similar to a parental love for all of them. My heart has ached for some as they have struggled and seen hard times. Others I have literally jumped for joy with at hearing good news. I have spent hours listening to stories of issues with boys or friends. I have felt so proud of some as they have gone to serve missions, gotten married, left for school, or made difficult decisions.
This week I was thanked for my service and released from my responsibilities along with the rest of our presidency. As we serve in various places in the church we always go into it knowing it will be just for a period of time, sometimes as short as months and others for a couple of years. In my head I have known that this time would come, I also knew that it would be a little hard on my heart. I just didn't know it would feel like this. I feel so empty and broken, a little bit lost. My head keeps reminding me of all the time I will have on my hands now, but heart doesn't seem to care.
I got several text messages from friends today as they heard the news of my release, and every one of them was the same, "Are you okay" "How are you holding up?" " Do you need anything?" "I'm so sorry, I know how much you loved this". The tears seem to come and go at the strangest times and the littlest thing can start them off. My head knows that I have many years of service to give and many other places to serve and I will. I will happily serve wherever I am asked and give it everything I've got. But just for right now I feel like Humpty Dumpty, and even with all the kings horses and all the kings men, I don't know how to put myself back together again!
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6 comments:
Jen, I'm so sorry!! I think I know how you feel. When I was released from being YW President I went through a small scale depression. I would cry myself to sleep some nights and start crying randomly throughout the day. I felt like I had to rediscover myself and figure out who I was outside of Young Womens. It took awhile (about a month) and I finally started getting back into the swing of things. I think Time is the only thing that will fix it! It's like when someone dies. Even though you know the plan of salvation and you know you'll be with them again someday, it still hurts and it's still hard. That was the best way for me to describe how it was for me. I knew it was time and that it was right and that Heavenly Father knew what was best for me, but it didn't change the way I felt. Anyway! I'm sorry you're having a hard time! We love and are praying for you!
Hey baby girl. That's why we let the King hold the pieces together when you feel like they are all falling apart. Men and horses, we always do it wrong. Your love of these kids has been going out in waves for years and they will continue to go out and come back for years to come. You did it right. So close your eyes, go get a Celestial hug, come back to the rest of your life, cuz there is still some AWSOME stuff to come and LOTS to be done. Your are the best.
Hey Friend,
It has been such a joy to serve with you! You are an amazing leader and server! This isn't the end, it is the beginning of years of service!
Thanks for being my dear sweet friend and crazy dress up designer.
You are the Best!
Jen,
I identify...I was just recently released from a Stake Relief Society Presidency that I loved so and we just became like sisters. I know what you feel like ~ seems so sad not to spend time together blessing the sisters in our stake. I know that the timing was right for all of us and that our service was accepted of the Lord but I really miss them and our association and the focus on such special care. The feeling fades and my family really has taken my focus now, and my dear husband who I know sometimes took a second seat to my attention and was always my biggest supporter and cheerleader.
Hang in there...oh, by the way, Stong and Immovable was our 2009 Stake RS theme...love the sweatshirts. Janet
Jen, You are so amazing! You have done as instructed to "Magnify your calling". I felt the same way when I was called to be in RS. I felt like I had been asked to come sit at the cheerleaders table. (Didn't they know that I was the nerd?)I loved that calling! It was really hard when I was released. I know that with such a great love for the youth, you will have a new calling soon where you are greatly needed! YOU are needed EVERYWHERE! I appreciate you so much for all your time, energy and prayer and love that you have shared with the youth, (Not to mention the adults that come along with the youth!) You have set the bar high of what is expected! I have been in several different stakes, THIS is the one that I am in awe of. I look forward to hearing where you will be called to serve next and hope that I can serve with you! You are loved and appreciated more than you know!
I'm sad for the youth of the north stake who don't get to work with you ladies anymore! I look back on my senior year as one of my favorite times ever. Thank you for making it so wonderful!!
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