Sunday, December 2, 2012


 It  is often easier for me if the people in my life know a little about whats going on so that they understand why I haven't been as quick to respond to messages or return calls, why I've seemed distant and removed when I am physically there.  Not all the nitty gritty details of all of it. Somethings are meant to be kept for ourselves or just within our families, but sometimes sharing some of the hard things can actually help. When life is too busy or too hard, I have a tendency to just hole up.  Sometimes I know I'm not good company and there is no way I can put on that plastic smile and just fake it til you make it, and so instead, I go MIA for a few days.  I always come around and regain my perspective, but when my emotions run high being able to write down my thoughts and feelings of my experiences helps me process and gives me an outlet. I usually come away from writing feeling lighter and understood.  Even if the only one understanding me better is myself.

Going for a run, pushing my body to physical exhaustion, while listening to the rhythmic pounding of my feet can also be good medicine.  It makes me feel alive and I recognize there are things I can do, things I can change and become.  I can gain a different perspective, have a better attitude,  practice patience, be a better friend, but there are some things I cannot change.  I cannot take back things that have already taken place or words already spoken.  I cannot change anyone else.  I can't change their health, their decisions, perspective or perceptions.  What I can do, is decide how I will respond to it, and then all that is left to do is turn it over to The Lord.

Sometimes the journey we are on seems lonely and we are sure that no one understands how we feel or what we are going through.  It's true that our lives will have struggles and trials, but a good friend keeps reminding me that our Father in Heaven wants us to be happy.  That's the plan, so we need to do what we can to make it happen and then allow Him to fill in the blanks.

I am so grateful this week for the sweet friends that I have who have allowed themselves to be instruments in His hands in showing so much love for me and my family.  While we have had so many things to be grateful for lately, there has been a lot of hard as well.  As I have shared a few of our struggles and successes on my blog and through Facebook the responses I have gotten back have been overwhelming.

Last week Brynnes soccer team had their end of the season party.  Afterwards I sent out a thank you to the team parents and coaches for their kindness and understanding towards Brynne this season, and gave them a link to my blog post about Brynne scoring her goal.   The messages I received after that were so touching they had me in tears.  Brynnes soccer experience is now being linked to the soccer clubs website and a letter that I sent regarding that to the Fresno Bee was published today.  I woke up to a message from John Wallace of TV fame, a complete stranger to me, in my Facebook inbox telling me what a great letter I had sent in to the Bee.

I do not write looking for sympathy or praise, but as a therapeutic way of processing my emotions.  Having said that, I must also say, that the responses I have gotten from the things I have shared, have touched my heart more than I can express.  Thank you to so many who have made the effort to reach out.

Below are some of the comments from Facebook just for my own record

The day of the last game
 Blog post about the goal
 Blog post about Brynnes surgery

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