Bottoms up, and other short stories, By Brynne Bohn
Last week I was at the gym and Wes was home watching the kids when I got a frantic call from home.
Wes: Mom, you need to come home, Brynne just puked!
Me: What happened Wes?
Wes: Well Brynne and Emily (my niece) decided to have a drinking contest. They wanted to see who could drink the most the fastest. They each downed a can of soda and then two glasses of milk. But then Brynne puked.
Emily: But Brynners isn't sick so really its just spit up, not throw up
Brynne in the background: Yeah mom, but I winned! Wes did you tell her I winned?
Me: Brynne I just have to tell you one thing...I love you!
Brynne: Oh yeah, well I just have to tell you one thing...Mom church is boring.
Brynne: Mom I have a new piggy bank for all my pennies. No one will ever find them!
Me: Oh yeah, where is it?
Brynne: In that front opening part of my new CD player but not the part where my CDs go. I put ALL of them in there!
I spent the next 30 minutes shaking pennies out of the cassette deck of her little stereo. If you shake it now you can still hear the clinking of one or two stubborn pennies, but she can still listen to her music!
Brynne: Mom is it still Sunday and we can only watch church videos?
Me: Yes Brynne.
As I walk out of the room the conversation continued...
Brynne: Uh, mo-om, I don't like the church videos...
Drew: Oh Brynne that is so mean!
Brynne: Thats not mean...? To who?
Drew: Well Brynne what I really mean is that there are some things we say out loud and others we should just think in our heads.
Brynne: Oh...well I didn't really mean it, I just really want to watch Dinosaur Train
While playing with the little Fisher Price people sunday evening and acting out the nativity scene...
Brynne: And then Jesus was born in Worshiphim
Jen Hurd: You mean Bethlehem?
Brynne: No I mean in Worshiphim. The Shepherds came to Worshiphim, so that's where He was born!
Sitting in Church a few weeks ago during a phase where Brynne thinks of the silliest things to call you, like spaghetti or pickles, Brynne is sitting between me and a friend of mine and begins to loudly whisper...
Brynne: Mom you're a dam. Giggle, giggle!
Brynne: A dam mom, you're a dam!
Me: Um what is a dam Brynne? Like something at rivers and lakes...?
Brynne: Mom, don't you know, its made with sticks and stuff like that and sometimes there can be holes in them, and beavers make them. You know...a dam!?
Me, completely relieved and surprised: Oh yes of course, a dam
Brynne: Yep you're a dam mom!!
My friend couldn't help but grab me in the hall later and whisper into my ear: There's that dam mom!
Brynne: Mom people always tell me my socks are backwards. I already know that!
Me: Well, why do you insist on wearing them that way then?
Brynne: Because mom, that line on the top totally "boders" me
Brynne: Oh no mom we have a HUGE problem! My glass slippers are getting too small for me! Hurry run to Target and see if they have any there, remember I need size 7, hurry mom I have to have glass slippers!